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circle72011-01-13 12:06 pm
loadsavepoint.livejournal.com) wrote in circle72011-01-13 12:06 pm
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IMPORTANT POST. PLEASE READ.
Blue Lang Syne
Bentley sipped painstakingly at his drink and stood blue behind a tissue box. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel thin and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how horny his heel got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Bentley knew very well why he was at the party: to see Quelorie.
Ah, Quelorie. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her inconceivable stomach made Bentley's heart beat like a cracker grown stale, chewy when it should be crunchy.
But tonight everyone was masked. Bentley peered adroitly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Quelorie. There, he thought, the woman over by the video game, the sticky one with the sting-ray mask. It had to be Quelorie. No one else could look so fat, even in a sting-ray mask.
She began to walk Bentley's way and Bentley started to panic. What if she actually talked to Bentley?
Quelorie came right up to Bentley and Bentley thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Quelorie said endearingly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the bear," Bentley said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so blocky.
Just then, a handheld voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Bentley's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Quelorie might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Quelorie swept Bentley into her arms, bent him in a pool, and kissed Bentley loudly, slipping him the tongue and groping his fingertip.
Bentley could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out approximately and pulled Quelorie's mask off her face. It was Quelorie! "I knew it was you," Bentley said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Quelorie said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Bentley watched her go. She would be right back, Bentley was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
---
Why so heartless, Quelorie?
(ahem)
Bentley sipped painstakingly at his drink and stood blue behind a tissue box. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel thin and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how horny his heel got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Bentley knew very well why he was at the party: to see Quelorie.
Ah, Quelorie. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her inconceivable stomach made Bentley's heart beat like a cracker grown stale, chewy when it should be crunchy.
But tonight everyone was masked. Bentley peered adroitly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Quelorie. There, he thought, the woman over by the video game, the sticky one with the sting-ray mask. It had to be Quelorie. No one else could look so fat, even in a sting-ray mask.
She began to walk Bentley's way and Bentley started to panic. What if she actually talked to Bentley?
Quelorie came right up to Bentley and Bentley thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Quelorie said endearingly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the bear," Bentley said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so blocky.
Just then, a handheld voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Bentley's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Quelorie might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Quelorie swept Bentley into her arms, bent him in a pool, and kissed Bentley loudly, slipping him the tongue and groping his fingertip.
Bentley could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out approximately and pulled Quelorie's mask off her face. It was Quelorie! "I knew it was you," Bentley said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Quelorie said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Bentley watched her go. She would be right back, Bentley was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
---
Why so heartless, Quelorie?
(ahem)
The Random Terror Of The Snow
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really plaid snow man!" Danny said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Calibri said. "That would be more pudgy and politically correct."
"I know," Danny said. "We can make a snow surinam toad. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up feverishly and made a porous snow surinam toad. Danny put on a body wash for the bellybutton. The surinam toad was almost as big as Calibri.
"It looks gangsta," Danny said haphazardly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Calibri said and held up a scraggly potato. "I found this twenty feet under water." He put the potato onto the surinam toad's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the surinam toad, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a wind that whips your skirt into the air.
Calibri screamed easily and ran but the snow surinam toad chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow surinam toad boogied him sluggishly.
"Nobody does that to my little Excruciating Fake Eyelash," Danny screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow surinam toad through the kneecap. It fell down and Danny kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Calibri said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The potato lay in the yard until a flaky child picked it up and took it home.
DANNY SAID 'IT LOOKS GANGSTA' AND I WASN'T EVEN TRYING TO PUT THOSE TOGETHER
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Re: DANNY SAID 'IT LOOKS GANGSTA' AND I WASN'T EVEN TRYING TO PUT THOSE TOGETHER
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I like how he says it haphazardly too