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circle72011-01-13 12:06 pm
loadsavepoint.livejournal.com) wrote in circle72011-01-13 12:06 pm
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IMPORTANT POST. PLEASE READ.
Blue Lang Syne
Bentley sipped painstakingly at his drink and stood blue behind a tissue box. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel thin and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how horny his heel got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Bentley knew very well why he was at the party: to see Quelorie.
Ah, Quelorie. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her inconceivable stomach made Bentley's heart beat like a cracker grown stale, chewy when it should be crunchy.
But tonight everyone was masked. Bentley peered adroitly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Quelorie. There, he thought, the woman over by the video game, the sticky one with the sting-ray mask. It had to be Quelorie. No one else could look so fat, even in a sting-ray mask.
She began to walk Bentley's way and Bentley started to panic. What if she actually talked to Bentley?
Quelorie came right up to Bentley and Bentley thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Quelorie said endearingly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the bear," Bentley said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so blocky.
Just then, a handheld voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Bentley's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Quelorie might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Quelorie swept Bentley into her arms, bent him in a pool, and kissed Bentley loudly, slipping him the tongue and groping his fingertip.
Bentley could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out approximately and pulled Quelorie's mask off her face. It was Quelorie! "I knew it was you," Bentley said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Quelorie said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Bentley watched her go. She would be right back, Bentley was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
---
Why so heartless, Quelorie?
(ahem)
Bentley sipped painstakingly at his drink and stood blue behind a tissue box. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel thin and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how horny his heel got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Bentley knew very well why he was at the party: to see Quelorie.
Ah, Quelorie. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her inconceivable stomach made Bentley's heart beat like a cracker grown stale, chewy when it should be crunchy.
But tonight everyone was masked. Bentley peered adroitly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Quelorie. There, he thought, the woman over by the video game, the sticky one with the sting-ray mask. It had to be Quelorie. No one else could look so fat, even in a sting-ray mask.
She began to walk Bentley's way and Bentley started to panic. What if she actually talked to Bentley?
Quelorie came right up to Bentley and Bentley thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Quelorie said endearingly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the bear," Bentley said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so blocky.
Just then, a handheld voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Bentley's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Quelorie might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Quelorie swept Bentley into her arms, bent him in a pool, and kissed Bentley loudly, slipping him the tongue and groping his fingertip.
Bentley could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out approximately and pulled Quelorie's mask off her face. It was Quelorie! "I knew it was you," Bentley said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Quelorie said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Bentley watched her go. She would be right back, Bentley was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
---
Why so heartless, Quelorie?
(ahem)
The Random Terror Of The Snow
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really plaid snow man!" Danny said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Calibri said. "That would be more pudgy and politically correct."
"I know," Danny said. "We can make a snow surinam toad. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up feverishly and made a porous snow surinam toad. Danny put on a body wash for the bellybutton. The surinam toad was almost as big as Calibri.
"It looks gangsta," Danny said haphazardly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Calibri said and held up a scraggly potato. "I found this twenty feet under water." He put the potato onto the surinam toad's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the surinam toad, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a wind that whips your skirt into the air.
Calibri screamed easily and ran but the snow surinam toad chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow surinam toad boogied him sluggishly.
"Nobody does that to my little Excruciating Fake Eyelash," Danny screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow surinam toad through the kneecap. It fell down and Danny kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Calibri said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The potato lay in the yard until a flaky child picked it up and took it home.
DANNY SAID 'IT LOOKS GANGSTA' AND I WASN'T EVEN TRYING TO PUT THOSE TOGETHER
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Re: DANNY SAID 'IT LOOKS GANGSTA' AND I WASN'T EVEN TRYING TO PUT THOSE TOGETHER
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I like how he says it haphazardly too
Dramatically Tripping
Joel was almost on a railroad track when he came across a nauseating cake, lying alone on a forbidden plate. "That must be a treat from my naked bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked gorgeous, so he ate it.
It gave him the most untouchable tingling sensation in his shoulderblade. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Garamond.
When Garamond came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Joel cried alarmingly.
"Your forehead! And your butt!" Garamond said. "They're multiple! Can't you feel it?"
Joel felt his forehead and his butt. They were indeed quite multiple. "Oh, no!" Joel said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that nauseating cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Garamond said. "I got you a cat food. It must have been that horny man who lives nearby. He acts a little challengingly, ever since he peeled a cookie."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Joel sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Garamond said stupidly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your forehead is really hateful like that."
"Really?" Joel dried her tears. Joel kissed Garamond and it was an entirely tiny sensation, like a speaker with the bass too loud.
They spent the night having entirely tiny sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
A Fantastic Day To Smooch/A Bemused Occurrence
Danny climbed off the earring and walked suspiciously across the grass to greet his lover. Evan patted Danny on the torso and then tried to smooch him fabulously, but without success.
"That's all right," Danny said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not sparkly," Evan. "Not as sparkly as the time we smooched in the house."
Danny nodded amazingly. "We were smokin' back in those days."
"Our fingers were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Evan said. "Everything seems bemused and broken when you're young."
"Of course," Danny said. "But now we're unbelievable, we can still have fun. If we go about it ridiculously."
"Ridiculously?" Evan said . "But how?"
"With this," Danny said and held out an annoying crocodile-skin shoes. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to smooch."
Evan swallowed the crocodile-skin shoes at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to smooch ridiculously. They smooched like the winner of the Intergalactic Dog Show. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
--
Evan paced up and down, jiggling his finger. His very good friend, Mary Sue Crocodile-skin shoes, had arranged to meet him here in the house. "I have something sparkly to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Crocodile-skin shoes was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Evan expected to see her bounce up, her embarrassed hair streaming behind her and her off-the-wall eyes aglow.
Evan heard footsteps, but they seemed rather smokin' for a delicate and fantastic girl like Mary Sue Crocodile-skin shoes, whose tread was annoying. He turned around and found Danny staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Danny said ridiculously. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Evan had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so amazingly. "Mary Sue Crocodile-skin shoes asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Danny, his torso began to throb superbly.
"Oh," Danny said, suspiciously. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Evan said and caught Danny by his ear. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Danny said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like the winner of the Intergalactic Dog Show.
From behind an earring, Mary Sue Crocodile-skin shoes watched with an unbelievable light in her broken eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Evan/Danny". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the elephant from extinction.
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SOMEONE DO TOOTSIE AND JOEL.
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sparkly
sparkly
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The Miracle Of The Pygmy Marmoset
Every December, Joel would feel himself getting all retarded inside. He refused to put up a Christmas toilet, he snapped at anyone seductive enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Joel had to go to the mall to buy a moldy calendar. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing hastily around and so much Christmas music blaring indifferently, he thought his hair would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a naked man collecting for charity. Joel never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the naked man dropped his bells and ran in a cardboard box. There was a pouty pygmy marmoset right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the naked man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Joel rushed out and voraciously pushed them both out of the way. There was a chunky bang and then everything went dark.
When Joel woke up, he was in a youthful room. There was a Christmas toilet in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Joel's no-no zone hurt. A lot.
The naked man came into the room. "I'm so gay!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Vercelli. You saved me from the truck. But your no-no zone is broken."
Joel hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas toilet up and his no-no zone was broken, he felt quite galactic, especially when he looked at Vercelli.
"Your no-no zone must hurt devotedly," Vercelli said. "I think this will help." And he opened Joel several times.
Now Joel felt very galactic indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Vercelli. "I love you," he said, and kissed Vercelli fearfully.
"I love you too," said Vercelli. Just then, the pygmy marmoset ran into the room and nuzzled Joel's belly button. "I brought him home with us," Vercelli said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Joel said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
Re: The Miracle Of The Pygmy Marmoset
OH MY GOD THIS IS DEFINITELY THE BEST ONE YET FFFFFUCK LMAO.
Kels you pick the best words.
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AND THANK YOU
Re: The Miracle Of The Pygmy Marmoset
hi my name is Miracle
Re: The Miracle Of The Pygmy Marmoset
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On a joyful and weird morning, Calibri sat at the opera. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His ankle ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Bentley to love someone with a radioactive lips?
Airily, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a digital sinister cellphone, all on a summer's day. I wish my Bentley would slap me, in his own tyrannical way..."
"Do you?" Bentley sat down beside Calibri and put his hand on Calibri's neck. "I think that could be arranged."
Calibri gasped sagely. "But what about my radioactive lips?"
"I like it," Bentley said gallantly. "I think it's pleasant."
They came together and their kiss was like a show monkey dressed up as a leprechaun.
"I love you," Calibri said briskly.
"I love you too," Bentley replied and slapped him.
They bought a cat, moved in together, and lived playfully ever after.
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RADIOACTIVE???
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